


All the things I want to say

by HannyBoo



Category: Tales of Series, Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Mentions of Cancer, Modern AU, Multi, Sickfic, and yes Mieu is a dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 13:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18099470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannyBoo/pseuds/HannyBoo
Summary: Calm down, it’s not that hard. Just go in there and talk!Luke mentally berated himself as he straightened out his coat yet again. It was a stupid thing to berate yourself over anyway, not having the courage to admit to your family you were ill, again.Or Luke goes home and has some bad news.





	All the things I want to say

_Calm down, it’s not that hard. Just go in there and talk! _Luke mentally berated himself as he straightened out his coat yet again. It was a stupid thing to berate yourself over anyway, not having the courage to admit to your family you were ill, again. With cancer. Again. It wasn’t even the illness that scared him that much, he’d beaten it once already when he was ten and now he was eighteen, he’d beat it again. It was telling everyone that would hurt. His mother would be so worried, as would Guy and Natalia, his father, well- he would probably worry in his own weird way that Luke could never quite understand. Hopefully it wouldn’t set him back. And Asch- Asch would just get mad again, he’d become angry and distant because he had the emotional range of a teaspoon. Didn't mean he couldn't make an effort.__

__Luke sighed loudly, pushing his hand through bangs he would probably soon lose if he went through with chemo. Ugh, the thought didn’t make him feel any better. He felt like a shit for having waited so long to say something, no one knew he’d collapsed, nearly giving his roommates a heart attack. No one knew about the near constant headaches, lack of balance nor the general weakness he felt. And he didn’t want anyone to know about the auditory hallucinations either, since that was the part of his brain that was affected. Hah, too small to operate, big enough to cause damage. Stupid thing. Mostly, he didn’t want to go through it again. If he could ignore it, maybe it would go away. That’s what he’d thought at first. It was probably stress, lack of sleep, not eating enough... Then he had collapsed, and any hope of it not being cancer just jumped out of the window. He hadn’t even finished his first year at uni and he now had to pull out. He would have to tell Asch, his parents and Guy, and Tear…_ _

__He rested his head on the frame of the porch. Maybe he should tell them tomorrow, go home and… Oh who was he kidding, if he didn’t say it now he never would, his stupid brain whispered. Stupid thing it was it’s fault anyway. Why did it have to be right?_ _

__Just as he was going to ring the bell, the door opened and his brother stood in front of him, he seemed well at least. “So Luke, you going to sleep on the porch all night or come in?” Asch asked as gave his brother a look over with a frown. Well, time to divert attention._ _

__“Sorry, I got caught up whispering all my secrets to the wood.” Luke snarked “It’s better at keeping secrets than you are anyway.”_ _

__“But I got you free coffee and a pinch on the cheek from Noir every time you see her.” Asch replied, he was smirking. When they were young, Luke had told his brother about the crush he had on Noir from gym class, and Asch had blabbed about it the ass that he was. Turned out that Noir didn’t even like men. “She was flattered Luke.”_ _

__“Yeah, well shut up and move out of the way, it’s cold and I wanna get my coat off before Mieu decides to say hello.” Luke complained. Mieu was a dog they’d ended up adopting on accident when the stray followed Luke everywhere. It was a nice coat and the dog would get it’s stupid fur all over it, white dogs and black clothes don’t mix, all he had to do was look at Asch to guess that._ _

__Asch frowned at his words, only in a t-shirt himself, in April. Shit._ _

__“So, Natalia’s here too I guess.” _Divert again, divert! _____

____“Yeah she is, usually pampering Mieu though, the mangy mutt won’t leave her side unless Mum calls.”_ _ _ _

____“At least you got her to stop giving him food scraps.”_ _ _ _

____Asch didn’t answer._ _ _ _

____“...Asch?”_ _ _ _

____“Luke! You know Natalia, I couldn’t even get her to stop cooking!”_ _ _ _

____The boys both winced._ _ _ _

____"Is she cooking tonight?" Luke asked_ _ _ _

____"Yes." Asch replied sadly._ _ _ _

____“Mum ordered take out?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes.”_ _ _ _

____“Chinese?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes.”_ _ _ _

____“Great.”_ _ _ _

____Ah family traditions, some are celebrating milestones with special meals, others are getting special meals to avoid food poisoning from your sister-in-law._ _ _ _

____“You okay though Luke? You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping well.” Asch was staring at him, hard. His scary look, _quick Luke- think! _____ _ _

______“Well, exams are nearly here , you know, next month, gotta start working early at some point...” _Nailed it. _____ _ _ _ _

________Asch was still looking at him. “Right. I’m going to tell Mum you’re here, Nat’s in the kitchen.” he said as he walked towards the bedrooms. Shit it was one of those days. He should wait until Mum was better before-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Luke!” and suddenly, a hug. When had he walked into the kitchen?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hey Natalia.” he mumbled. She seemed happy, a lot happier than she had before Christmas, when she found out who her birth father was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, I’ve missed you. How are you Luke? Not studying too hard I hope.” she asked as she checked him over, spinning him around, touching his forehead. Gah! It was making him queasy, he didn’t need his balance getting anymore whack. He ‘casually’ leaned on the island when she was done._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, exams are coming, and I don’t want to fail my first year, you know?” He was going to fail it anyway since he wasn't going to finish._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know, remember Asch?” even though she grinned she was suppressing a wince._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh god yes. He was an ass!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Luke, language.” she swatted at him gently, with a smile however, “But I suppose you could say that. He has calmed down quite a bit since. Then again, being the valedictorian two semesters in a row must put things into perspective.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Luke grinned “Nah, he finally removed the stick out of his butt.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Natalia tried not to, she really tried, but Luke still saw the smile that broke out across her face as she turned away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What are you two laughing about?” Asch asked as he walked in. “Mum will be down in a minute, and Dad’s at therapy, he’ll be back soon.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Nothing Asch, Natalia knows how to keep secrets.” Luke grinned. He was in a vindictive mood, so what?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes Asch, I know how to keep secrets.” Natalia added, she liked bothering Asch, he was always cute when he was flustered, her words not Luke's. He could never find his brother cute, eww._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, I know when I’m unwanted, fine.” he pouted not quite managing to hide his grin. Asch was really happy too. Oh God what was Luke doing?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Since fell over the kitchen as Nat stirred the... soup? Was that soup? Luke didn’t want to know. Neither did Asch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So Nat,” Luke fidgeted, because he was very curious, and so he didn't have to think of his announcement for a few minutes, “how have things been going since- the uh, you know…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Asch gave him a look. It said everything Luke was thinking. Smooth Luke, real smooth. Also why are you asking that? Ah twin telepathy!_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I made up with Dad. It wasn’t easy, we both lost our trust in one another. It was slow going, but we are talking again. I met my birth ‘father’ as well. He was in prison.” The last words weren’t said with hate or distain or Asch’s default emotion, but it wasn’t a friendly tone either. “The break from studies has been wonderful however. Last month we went to Venice, Asch wanted to go when it was cooler-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sorry for not wanting to walk around Venice in the height of summer when the waters smell.” His brother quipped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A fond smile wormed its way onto Nat’s face, “Of course you wouldn’t. You clean and sterilize everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone clean a pen before.” Luke added._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh shut up, both of you!” he snapped. He really did make it too easy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Anyway,” Natalia continued “ Venice was amazing, Gondolas are far too expensive, but very romantic, and we found the engraving Dad, Aunty and Uncle left on the Doge’s Palace when they went._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Wow! That’s so cool! That was like thirty years ago.” Wow, thirty seemed like a long time! Some morbid part of Luke’s brain wondered if he would live until he was thirty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The other two must have noticed he was thinking of something because they were watching him intently, well Asch was. And it made Luke feel guilty because things were finally getting better for the two, and they were already planning their marriage, and Dad was finally getting help, and Mum would worry herself sick, and Luke would ruin all that by being a burden just by existing- Nope! Don’t go there. Don’t think about that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sorry, I just remembered something, you were saying?” flimsy excuse was flimsy, but nobody commented so yay?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just about Venice, upset that a historical monument was defaced?” She was offering him an out, he loved Natalia, she was the best._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m not the history student, that’s Sorey and Mikleo. And some historians actually love graffiti.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I hope you are not talking about our trip to Venice.” Suzanne, Luke and Asch’s mother came into the kitchen, Mieu bounding behind her. “Luke! How are you, it’s been a while since you last were home?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello Mum, I’m- I’m doing okay, kinda.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Kinda?” Asch demanded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Well, it was now or never, Luke guessed, great way to start, couldn’t even get in two words to his mother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He didn’t say anything, he just reached into his bag and pulled out the results for his mother to read. There was a tense silence, Suzanne put a hand to her mouth as tears brimmed in her eyes. Asch stomped over and near enough ripped the papers out her hands.Suzanne wrapped her son in a tight hug. “Oh Luke.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A door slammed, Luke guessed Asch had seen the paper and ran. Some things never changed. Natalia looked between Luke and the door, Luke motioned for her to go, she bowed her head and went after her fiancé._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Luke, I’m so sorry.” Suzanne said “I’m so sorry this had to happen to you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why are you apologising? You're not the one who put the tumor in my brain, or made me lose my memory all those years ago. None of this is your fault.” Luke was genuinely confused. It was his fault if anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m apologising because I can’t do anything.” She finally let go of him. “I assume you will be starting a treatment soon?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Luke nodded. His throat had suddenly clogged up. He didn’t know what to say, there wasn’t anything that he wanted to say. He hadn’t always been close to his mother, he wanted Asch. He didn’t want to be sick, he didn’t want Asch to run away again. He was tired he didn’t want anything of this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll tell your father when he gets home don’t worry.” Suzanne reassured her son, he loved his mum, she was great. “You want me to tell Guy too?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He sniffed and pushed away from his mum, “Nah, I’ll do it. I can do it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Okay. If you need any help with anything, please ask.” she said with a smile. The smile that broke Luke’s heart. She probably blamed herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Luke merely nodded. He needed to sit down honestly, and just put his life on pause for a while. He also needed to talk to Guy, and Tear, and Asch… Luke let Mieu curl up on his feet, somehow, the dog knew he just what he needed, even when he didn’t._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I wanted to make a modern au, but whilst I have a world created for all these kiddos I don't quite know how to put it all into writing just yet, so while I figure that out have this! It's been sitting on my computer for almost three months. If you see any mistakes or anything that doesn't look quite English, please don't hesitate!
> 
> Anyway thank you so much for reading this! I hope you have a nice day, Toodles!!


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